


did no one ever tell you about the boy? (who fell in love and told the world)

by itwasprongs



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-04
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-08-29 00:50:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8469430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itwasprongs/pseuds/itwasprongs
Summary: things you said that i can't forget





	1. when the world comes tumbling down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _i'll stand with you_
> 
> i. things you said at 1am

An article in the morning’s paper had declared three squibs dead in a suspicious attack near Diagon Alley, possibly linked to last week’s murder of ten muggles. Marlene had read it out, voice trembling slightly, as Lily pushed porridge around her bowl and stared into the table. No one had said anything, their silence only interrupted when a second year tried to stand up from the neighbouring table and tripped over the bench, sprawling to the floor. Lily had used it as an excuse to leave, jumping up and helping him to stand, smiling softly at him. By the time Lily sat down again Mary had begun to complain about the five foot Care of Magical Creatures essay she had been set and the article wasn’t brought up again. 

That night once everyone’s breath has slowed and Dorcas has begun to snore, Lily grabs a jumper, steps into some slippers and sneaks downstairs to the common room. She can’t sleep, she knows she can’t. All day the words have been spinning in her head, _the bodies of three squibs were found yesterday afternoon in a muggle-owned block of flats in London, close to the popular and famous pub, The Leaky Cauldron._ These days there’s a murder or missing persons report almost every other week, hidden away in the Prophet behind the front page news as if that will make the reality disappear. _Aurors on the scene refused to provide comment but the Ministry of Magic released an official statement in the evening acknowledging the attack, identifying the victims and stating that “everything in their power was being done to find the attacker”._

She doesn’t realise she’s crying until she tastes salt and then she jerks her hand to her face, brushing the tears away because she should not be crying. It is not her loss to mourn and besides, she’s strong, stronger than crying in an empty common room in front of a dying fire at one in the morning. Behind her, someone clears their throat. Lily is definitely stronger than crying in a now obviously less than empty common room. She whips her head around and stares at the intruder. 

It’s James Potter.  

Of course it is. It wouldn’t be truly embarrassing for Lily if it was anyone else. Merlin, she hates the universe sometimes.

He’s standing at the foot of the dormitory stairs, glasses askew on his nose and pyjamas rumpled. He looks hesitant. Lily realises she’s never seen him nervous before, had never even considered that he had the ability to feel that particular emotion. Neither of them saying anything for a moment. Lily continues to stare and James continues to look hesitant. Then -

“I was just going upstairs, was just looking for a book.” She goes to stand, not caring that it’s such an obvious lie. 

He steps forward. “I couldn’t sleep either.” 

Suddenly, for a reason she can’t quite figure out, Lily doesn’t feel like she needs to lie to him. So she sits back down, turning her face towards the fire’s embers. His feet are quiet on the flagstones and the sofa barely groans when he sits down at the opposite end to her, as if he’s afraid she’ll bite. Lily watches him out of the corner of her eye, trying not to notice the details. But she notices anyway. The way he runs a hand through his hair for every minute that passes without one of them saying anything. How his pyjamas are matching, an absurd and obnoxious red and gold striped pattern which flickers in the firelight. That his fingers tap incessantly against his thigh, a rhythm no one else could match.

They’re not friends and not enemies either. Logically, they should be. Her best friend hates him, he hates her best friend, she sticks up for her best friend whenever he decides to be a prick to him. But the anger that bubbles up inside her when he hexes Sev or makes a snide comment never manages to translate to when Severus isn’t there. He’s funny, loud and boisterous and arrogant too, but he’s genuinely witty and sometimes she can’t help but talk back. Can’t help but smile at his comments in class or the pranks he and the other three pull. Can’t help but believe that he’s not all bad. So, their relationship hovers in that space between, existing without acknowledgement, not friends, not enemies, the Schrodinger’s cat of relationships.

“You can tell me.” James says, turning his head to look at her. 

“Why would I do that?” She doesn’t look, focuses instead on the fireplace.

He falters. “Because, we’re -.” Silence fills the room again and James turns away, he too unsure of what they really are. 

Eventually the fire dies completely and yet neither of them move, frozen at either end of the sofa, eyes on the wall, waiting, thinking, caring. 

“It was the article,” Lily starts quietly, not looking at James but feeling him watch her, “this morning. About the attacks. I-I want to help, but I can’t do anything, I feel useless. I want to leave and go help. And I’m scared. My family, they aren’t like me, they don’t know what’s happening, they won’t be able to protect themselves, it could be their names in the headlines next week, or the week after…” she shrugs, tears threatening to fall again. 

“I understand.” Her head snaps around and he winces, “I mean, I understand wanting to help. I love Hogwarts but it’s not the real world. And I understand loving my family.” He holds his hands up defensively before she can interrupt him, even though she makes no move to. “I know it’s different, because my family aren’t muggles, but, I love them and I want to be able to protect them even if they don’t need it.”

His hands lower as she nods. “I just wish I was out there, fighting.”

“We’re no use to anyone.” 

“What do you mean? Of course we are, the more people -”

“The more people who haven’t finished their education? Evans, we’re useless until we’ve passed our NEWTs. Even then we’ll be inexperienced. We’d do more harm than good.”

Lily opens her mouths, pauses, then drops her head into her hands, muffling her voice. “I didn’t realise you were so rational, Potter.” 

“I’m full of surprises.” He says, eyes tracing the curve of her neck. “We’ll be able to help soon. When you get out there, they won’t know what’s hit them.”

“Thanks, Potter.” She lifts her head and smiles, feeling lighter for having shared with someone. The article’s words are still swimming in her head but, they’re quieter.

The clock strikes, sounding out a single chime, and James stands up, holding his hand out for Lily. “The house elves will be up soon.” She accepts it and lets him pull her to her feet. 

Their hands drop and they walk side by side to the dormitory doors, James pausing with his hand on the door handle. “Hey, Evans?”

“Yeah?” 

“You’re not alone.”


	2. i won't lose you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _i can't._
> 
> ii. things you said through your teeth

It happens in a blur and it’s over before Lily can catch her breath. Then she’s walking away, face flushed and fists clenched, running as soon as she’s in the castle, running until her calves ache and her chest is heaving and her head is spinning. She collapses against the stone walls, unsure of where exactly in the castle her blind run has taken her but not caring either.

_Mudblood. Mudblood. Mudblood. Mudblood. Mudblood._

It rings in her head. What she is, what she has always been, what she will always be. Lily knows that’s what some people think she is. Has known it for a long time, but always refused to believe that Sev thought it about her too. Now though, he’s said it. She can’t ignore the truth anymore. 

“He’s made his choice.” She says it aloud, hoping hearing it will making it easier to accept. 

It doesn’t work. 

Severus has been her best friend since the beginning; the first person to tell her who she really was, the first person to really listen. Before, that had been enough for Lily to be able to ignore all the other things. As long as she had reminded herself he’d always been there for her, it was easier to look the other way when he started sprouting Dark Magic rhetoric. It wasn’t going to be like that anymore. Lily knows she can’t remain his friend when his beliefs threaten the lives of so many. 

Footsteps echo and she jerks her head up, reaching for her wand, her fists clenching again, waiting for Severus to turn the corner. But it’s not him. Instead, it’s Potter. The other person she never wants to talk to again. 

“Lily -” he’s faltered to a stop at the other end of the corridor, cheeks tinted and eyes wide, begging for forgiveness. But all she can see is him hexing Sev upside down. They’re just as bad as each other. 

“Don’t you dare, Potter, don’t you dare.” She flies to her feet and is in front of him before he can get another word out, tears replaced by fury. “You’re just as bad as him. You aren’t heroic or noble or -”

“I’m _nothing_  like Snape.” James spits it, eyes no longer asking for forgiveness, matching Lily’s anger syllable for syllable. 

She scoffs. “You’re a bully! Just like him! You think you’re superior. Entitled to anything and everything because you were born with a silver spoon stuck in your gob -” Lily doesn’t know where it’s coming from, but she can’t stop. Sparks fly from the end of her wand as the words bolt out her mouth, insult after insult, drenched in all her anger and embarrassment and hurt. “- not my friend, you’re a bully, I don’t want to ever talk to you again.” Finally, she stops, stumbles to a finish, chest heaving from how fast she was speaking. 

“If you think I’m as bad as him, then you can’t be any better.” James looks resolute. He’d stepped back at some point during her tirade, shoulders slumping, but now he straightens his back and his eyes look hard, and his next words are said through his teeth. “Clearly, you don’t know everyone as well as you think.” It’s a stab. Low and cold and true. 

James turns on his heel and marches off, disappearing around the corner and leaving Lily to sink back to the floor. Her heart is no longer racing. She slumps her head onto her knees and sighs. Then the tears come again and they don’t stop, not until McGonagall finds her later, not until she’s been tucked up in a bed in the Hospital Wing and she falls asleep, dreaming of bats that yell ‘mudblood’ and squids which chase her down corridors, telling her she knows no one. 


	3. there's something better to come

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _it's on the horizon_
> 
> iii. things you said too quietly

Summer cannot come quick enough.

With the exams over, the professors had given up trying to control the fifth years and so, almost every lesson is spent lazing on the grass. Lily and her friends used to spend their time outside underneath the Beech Tree, but given recent events they’ve taken to sitting on the lake’s shore, paddling when it gets unbearably hot and making bets on how many pieces of toast the squid will eat when they’re bored.

Lily reckons her friends miss the company of the Marauders, who shared the spot beneath the Beech Tree, and though she won’t admit to it, she misses their company too. They never say anything though, so Lily keeps quiet about it, grateful none of them have pressed the matter. It’s embarrassing enough to even admit to herself she misses them.

She and Mary are the only ones out at the moment, Marlene and Tegan have both gone to the owlery to send letters home and Gemma is in the library, finishing a History of Magic essay for Binns, the only teacher still giving homework. The grounds are scattered with groups of fifth tears, but they’re in a secluded enough position that it’s quiet.

“I spy with my little eye -” Mary groans and rolls onto her back, flinging her arm over her eyes dramatically. 

“No more. I’m shit. Also, you’re a cheat. How am I meant to know what specific type of cloud formation that is?” She says. 

“Should have paid attention in Astronomy then.” Lily retorts, smug.

“Whatever.” Mary flips over again and props herself up on her elbows. “I can’t wait to never have to spend another midnight freezing my tits off on top of that bloody tower.”

“I can’t believe you’re dropping it.”

“Not all of us can be good at everything, Evans.” Mary grins. “I wasn’t blessed with clever genes -”

“Just big boobs ones.” They laugh, Lily looking forlornly down at her chest, remarkably flat next to Mary’s. She looks up when Mary’s laugh cuts off abruptly. “What?”

“Um...” Lily snaps her head around to see what Mary is staring at. The sun is behind him, but Lily would know that hurricane hair anywhere.

Watching him walk towards her, alone and hesitantly, Lily has flashbacks to third year when Davey Gudgeon had timidly approached her and her friends, alone and awkward, and asked her out. She knows Potter isn’t about to ask her out, he wouldn’t dare, but, she flushes because, a few months ago, she wouldn’t have minded him asking.

He stops a few feet in front of them, hands in his pockets and lip between his teeth. “MacDonald.” Potter nods at Mary. She smiles weakly and looks to Lily. “Evans, could I have a word? Please.” He sounds uncannily like a stern McGonagall.

“Go ahead.” She sits up and straightens her back.

Potter’s eyes flick from her resolute face to Mary, who is staring resolutely at th other side of the lake. “Alone?”

“I’ll be alright,” Mary nods at her before Lily can speak, urging her, “look, I can see the others.” She sits up and points to Marlene, Tegan and Gemma traipsing down from the castle. “Go.”

Lily sighs. “Don’t go to lunch without me.” She pushes herself up, shoots Mary a glare over her shoulder and then falls into step with Potter. When they pass the girls, Lily just shrugs, not sure how to respond to their concerned looks. 

It’s not until they’ve passed every group and are completely out of earshot that he speaks. “I know you’re angry, and- and that’s fine, you have every right to be. I just want you to hear me out. Please?”

They haven’t spoken since the Incident, not since Lily woke up in the Hospital Wing to find Remus sitting next to her. He had spoken without letting her interrupt and then left. Lily knows that if she hadn’t listened to Remus she wouldn’t be standing next to James now. 

The pause drags.

“Okay.”

James almost smiles in relief. “I wasn’t thinking, not when I asked you -” he runs a hand though his hair, “asked you out. I mean, I’ve thought abou - no, right, sorry.” His nerves are endearing. “I wasn’t thinking and I shouldn’t have done that, it was disrespectful. Sni- _Severus_ , he just.. we don’t get on, he’s not a good person. In my opinion anyway. So, I’m sorry for asking you out like that and I’m sorry I hurt you but I can’t apologise for what I did to Snape. He’s a bully - I know I’m not much better, but I don’t practice Dark Magic... it’s difficult. I just don’t agree with him, I don’t like -”

“Potter. Stop.” He falters and runs a hand through his hair, looking more nervous than he has all conversation. “I don’t agree with him either. And you’re right, you’re not much better than him.” His face drops. “ _But_ , you would also die before practicing Dark Magic. And, I know you don’t care if someone’s parents are giants or muggles or anything else. I guess, what I’m trying to say... we’re good.” She finishes, fingers fiddling nervously with the hem of sleeve.

Potter’s smile is radiant. “Evans... you’re alright, you know that?” Lily laughs and rolls her eyes. “So, friends?” He sticks his hand out.

“It might be a bit soon for that...” she takes his hand before he can drop it, “but, yeah, that wouldn’t be too bad. One day.” They shake hands, Potter looking decidedly less nervous and more like his old self.

“Sounds good to me. I’m going to get lunch, I’m guessing you don’t want to join me.”

“I better get back to my friends. They’re probably wondering why they haven’t heard any screaming yet.” Lily takes a step back, ready to part ways and happy knowing she’s done the right thing. 

“Have a good summer Evans,” Potter says.

Lily smiles and starts walking, calling over her shoulder, “You too!”

“I’ll miss you.” James says it quietly, under his breath, watching her stroll away, sun bouncing off her hair and smiles, because he’s forgiven and one day is a promise - and he’s more than happy to wait. 


	4. i've been calling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _i need you_
> 
> iv. things you said over the phone

The dinner table is silent. Too silent. No one speaks at tea anymore. Not since. Lily glares weakly at the empty chair, trying to find some anger or blame. But there is none. There hasn't been anything since. Except at night, when she's alone, and she can cry into her pillow, the tears there but not helping.

They all jump when the phone rings, Petunia dashing into the hall before Lily can even stand. It'll be Vernon. Calling again to talk to his ‘petal’. She sighs and lifts her fork to her mouth, about to take a bite when Petunia appears in the kitchen doorway looking offended.

“It's for you.” She says, like she's swallowed something sour as she sits down primly.

“Me?” Lily frowns and stands, trying to figure out who would call her. Tegan and Marlene don't have phones, she's pretty sure they don't even know how to use one, Mary is away in Spain and she spoke to Gemma yesterday. Remus has her number, but they owl each other.

“Yes.” Petunia’s forced smile has disappeared.

Lily walks into the hall and picks the phone up from where Petunia has left it on the window sill. “Hello?”

“Evans? Hello? Hello? Can you hear me?”

“ _Potter?_ ”

“Yes! Hi, you can hear me, brilliant -”

“You're yelling, of course I can hear you.”

“Oh, am I? Sorry. Remus gave me your number, I'm using the muggle box in my village, do I not need to yell?”

“No yelling needed.”

“This is brilliant.” He sounds genuinely impressed, and Lily smiles unconsciously. “I was going to owl, but then I didn't know what to say and I didn't think it was appropriate.”

Lily plays with the phone’s cord, twirling it round her fingers. “What were you trying to say?”

“Sorry.”

“I thought I already said we were -”

“About your Dad.”

Her breath catches in her throat. “Oh.”

“Mary wrote to Remus. She said you weren't going to tell anyone, but she didn't want you to be on your own. She thought you might, I don't know, retreat.” She can hear his breathing, soft and steady down the line. “Evans? You still there?”

“Here.” She whispers.

“Sorry. It's shit, it's not fair, I can't imagine - Evans? Are you crying? Oh, Merlin, I'm sorry, I didn't mean…”

She tries to pull herself together. “It’s okay. I haven’t really stopped. Did you say Mary told Remus? Next time you’ll have to call me in Azkaban, after I kill her.”

“Lily Evans, go to Azkaban? Nah. They’ve probably got a special prison for goody-two-shoes gone wrong.” James says.

“Goody-two-shoes? I’ll have you know I got twice as many detentions as you did in fourth year.”

“I had other priorities in fourth year.”

“Like what?”

“Can’t tell you. Marauder Business. Need to know basis.”

“What if I need to know? What if my life depends on it?”

“I would need proof.”

“Of my imminent death?” It’s ridiculously (stupidly) easy to talk to him. Like falling back into an old rhythm, one she’s missed. Except it’s never been a constant rhythm with them; it’s always changing and full of surprises, sudden voltas crashing into their conversations, flowing around bend after bend, the unknown always more appealing with him. It’s the first time she’s laughed in weeks. It’s the first time she’s smiled in weeks.

Her mum pokes her head into the hall. “- oh. Potter, I’ve got to go. My tea’s gone cold.”

“It was nice to hear your voice. Talk to you. Etcetera.” He fumbles and Lily smiles, biting her lip to stop a beam from spreading over her face.

“Nice to talk to you too, Potter. See you in September.” The line rings off and Lily clicks the phone back into the holder, still smiling.


End file.
